wednesday morning brain dump
hello people of earth welcome back to the madness. today's topic of stress: coming out to my roommate.
now i've already talked to a few people about this because obviously it's a big deal, i mean it's my whole identity ya know? so i talked to another gay girl who is in my sa group from orientation and asked about her experience and her roommate decided not to live with her when she came out!!! which was before school started so she didn't have to deal with the whole moving out thing but still. that freaked me out because !!!! why wouldn't it?? but she's now my queer ally and someone i know i can go to so that's nice. but there's still the issue of telling my roommate.
so how this all came up was i got back on tinder (don't ask me why) after 29502895089 years, mostly to see if there were any other queer girls at my school. so i find a couple people i vaguely recognize, ya know, and THEN i find the cute girl that lives across the hall from me who i've been lowkey intimidated by since day 1 (in a good way, like she's pretty so i'm nervous to approach her) and i made some comment about "i found the girl across the hall on tinder" to my roommate and then immediately was like "crap"..... because up to this point i had not given any indication to the fact that i'm not straight. so that was (pardon my french) an "oh shit" moment for me. she just kinda went "..okay" and like went back to whatever she was doing so i tried to play it off but BOY that stressed me out.
anyway so where i'm at now is 1. i matched with that girl and we're talking now (yay) 2. i've started asking her what i should do when it comes to bringing it up to my roommate and apparently her roommate is the only straight one in her suite ?? go figure. anyway i'm just worried because we live really well together and i don't want THIS to end up being the dealbreaker. i haven't formally come out to someone since i came out to my parents four years ago so i literally have no clue how to do this. with everyone else it's just been "lol yeah i'm super gay" or "sorry i'm not into guys haha" or whatever but now it's someone i'm living with and sharing a space with and the thought of trying to talk about this with her makes me want to bang my head against a wall (which i'm not going to do, so don't worry, it's just an expression) but i will figure this out eventually because i kinda have to.
if anyone has any advice on this please leave a comment or text me or something. thanks
ok onto other things: i keep missing stuff like club meetings and dsf even when i get texts about them because i just FORGET. it's ridiculous and i feel bad bc i missed dsf, everynation bible study, AND the first spectrum meeting because i just FORGOT. so that's super frustrating but i'm trying to keep up more with my planner so hopefully it won't happen again.
oh also i bruised the everliving crap out of my knee at rocky last week so now i have a giant swollen bruise on my knee and i'm back in a knee brace and i'm also playing riff again (which is who i was playing when i smacked my knee on the risers) so wish me luck. i might break my knee but we'll see.
i hope everyone's doing well, my life hasn't been all that eventful other than the "how the heck do i come out to my roommate" dilemma so there hasn't been a whole lot to post or very many stories to tell. i'm hoping that things will get more interesting soon (but in a good way bc i am done with drama). i'll be back soon i'm sure :))
now i've already talked to a few people about this because obviously it's a big deal, i mean it's my whole identity ya know? so i talked to another gay girl who is in my sa group from orientation and asked about her experience and her roommate decided not to live with her when she came out!!! which was before school started so she didn't have to deal with the whole moving out thing but still. that freaked me out because !!!! why wouldn't it?? but she's now my queer ally and someone i know i can go to so that's nice. but there's still the issue of telling my roommate.
so how this all came up was i got back on tinder (don't ask me why) after 29502895089 years, mostly to see if there were any other queer girls at my school. so i find a couple people i vaguely recognize, ya know, and THEN i find the cute girl that lives across the hall from me who i've been lowkey intimidated by since day 1 (in a good way, like she's pretty so i'm nervous to approach her) and i made some comment about "i found the girl across the hall on tinder" to my roommate and then immediately was like "crap"..... because up to this point i had not given any indication to the fact that i'm not straight. so that was (pardon my french) an "oh shit" moment for me. she just kinda went "..okay" and like went back to whatever she was doing so i tried to play it off but BOY that stressed me out.
anyway so where i'm at now is 1. i matched with that girl and we're talking now (yay) 2. i've started asking her what i should do when it comes to bringing it up to my roommate and apparently her roommate is the only straight one in her suite ?? go figure. anyway i'm just worried because we live really well together and i don't want THIS to end up being the dealbreaker. i haven't formally come out to someone since i came out to my parents four years ago so i literally have no clue how to do this. with everyone else it's just been "lol yeah i'm super gay" or "sorry i'm not into guys haha" or whatever but now it's someone i'm living with and sharing a space with and the thought of trying to talk about this with her makes me want to bang my head against a wall (which i'm not going to do, so don't worry, it's just an expression) but i will figure this out eventually because i kinda have to.
if anyone has any advice on this please leave a comment or text me or something. thanks
ok onto other things: i keep missing stuff like club meetings and dsf even when i get texts about them because i just FORGET. it's ridiculous and i feel bad bc i missed dsf, everynation bible study, AND the first spectrum meeting because i just FORGOT. so that's super frustrating but i'm trying to keep up more with my planner so hopefully it won't happen again.
oh also i bruised the everliving crap out of my knee at rocky last week so now i have a giant swollen bruise on my knee and i'm back in a knee brace and i'm also playing riff again (which is who i was playing when i smacked my knee on the risers) so wish me luck. i might break my knee but we'll see.
i hope everyone's doing well, my life hasn't been all that eventful other than the "how the heck do i come out to my roommate" dilemma so there hasn't been a whole lot to post or very many stories to tell. i'm hoping that things will get more interesting soon (but in a good way bc i am done with drama). i'll be back soon i'm sure :))
here is my mood. i am all three of us. also i love these two ladies
so if you're reading this i miss you bunches xoxo
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