life update!
hi lovely people!!
the past few weeks have been a ROLLERCOASTER.
i think the last time i posted here was .. right after labor day weekend? idk it's been a hot minute.
anyway, here's what's been going on!!!!
a couple weeks ago, i slept through a mandatory freshman thing and freaked out (it didn't end up being that bad, i made it up) but it was the first thing i did that seemed really typical-college-student-y and that's what i was trying to avoid doing. i wanna make good life decisions, ya know? like i thought i was taught better/i wouldn't get to that point bc i like to think i'm more responsible. like i haven't missed a single class so far, not even my m/w/f 8am. i'm proud of that and i intend to keep up that record bc that's not a thing you hear about college kids a lot lol i want to be that outlier.
anyway. the next day i went to the learning center for the first time, which was scary in itself. it's like a tutoring center but i had to go for my english class (it was a requirement of our first essay) and i was nervous bc my essay was about coming out. but i get to talking to my tutor and it turns out she's queer too!! so she not only gave me advice on my essay, but advice on how to feel more like i fit in here as a queer kid which i was struggling with because i'm not used to being in a place where i have to start over and come out and no one really knows who i am and i'm actually afraid of their opinions? which might be dumb idk but she gave me good advice and made me feel a lot better.
i also started going to younglife!! i didn't really know how much i missed it until i went back, but it was terrifying. everyone there was like,, entire adults and i felt so TINY!!!! thank god this girl olivia from my school took me and stuck with me so i didn't feel alone. it ended up being a lot of fun, esp bc she treated me like she's known me forever and that was really nice bc i didn't feel like a baby or a burden or anything like that. she's wonderful and i'm hoping she'll be to me what nikki is/was last year (since she's moving). i think between that and dsf i'm pretty well covered in the jesus department. :))
a whole thing happened the other weekend where i had to take my friend to the hospital because her friend was in there... i won't give details bc it's not my place to tell but my dudes it was STRESSFUL. it was like 1 am and i drove there and then back to school and had one of the worst panic attacks ever and it was scary bc that doesn't happen often w me but all of that is resolved now and i'm hoping that something was learned from the whole thing. i learned that that stuff is stressful, but i can handle it. i learned i'm allowed to freak out on my own, i don't have to bottle up my emotions because that makes it worse. i can be supportive of my friends and do my own coping at the same time.
i also got to go see MY FAVORITE BAND!!! FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!!!!! I'VE BEEN TRYING TO SEE THEM SINCE 7TH GRADE!!!! ok ok so it was all time low (comprised of alexander gaskarth, jack barakat, rian dawson and zachary merrick) and i got there 3 hours before the doors opened so i was like 3 rows back. i made some friends which was nice and alex came too so i got to experience it with her :)) and i got to touch jack's hand!!!! in person!!!!! in real life!!!! it was just an all around amazing night, honestly the highlight of my life up to this point because their music has helped me through so much. if you ever need a pick me up, listen to weightless. that's been my go to for years and it never fails to cheer me up. :)) they played it too!!!! it was AMAZING!!!! i'm smiling just thinking about it omg what an experience
anyway now its the 26th, i'm pretty tired but i'm doing pretty well. i'm on good terms with the people that things were awkward with, i've made some friends, i met a girl who's a junior who's on rocky crew that id never met, and i got some good news about my soul friend's cancer progress. honestly i can't really complain about much rn, i might be dissatisfied with a few things but i'm generally happy so i'm gonna take that and run with it. :)))))
edit: i just educated my english class on the basics of they/them and gender neutrality so i'm happy. that's all
the past few weeks have been a ROLLERCOASTER.
i think the last time i posted here was .. right after labor day weekend? idk it's been a hot minute.
anyway, here's what's been going on!!!!
a couple weeks ago, i slept through a mandatory freshman thing and freaked out (it didn't end up being that bad, i made it up) but it was the first thing i did that seemed really typical-college-student-y and that's what i was trying to avoid doing. i wanna make good life decisions, ya know? like i thought i was taught better/i wouldn't get to that point bc i like to think i'm more responsible. like i haven't missed a single class so far, not even my m/w/f 8am. i'm proud of that and i intend to keep up that record bc that's not a thing you hear about college kids a lot lol i want to be that outlier.
anyway. the next day i went to the learning center for the first time, which was scary in itself. it's like a tutoring center but i had to go for my english class (it was a requirement of our first essay) and i was nervous bc my essay was about coming out. but i get to talking to my tutor and it turns out she's queer too!! so she not only gave me advice on my essay, but advice on how to feel more like i fit in here as a queer kid which i was struggling with because i'm not used to being in a place where i have to start over and come out and no one really knows who i am and i'm actually afraid of their opinions? which might be dumb idk but she gave me good advice and made me feel a lot better.
i also started going to younglife!! i didn't really know how much i missed it until i went back, but it was terrifying. everyone there was like,, entire adults and i felt so TINY!!!! thank god this girl olivia from my school took me and stuck with me so i didn't feel alone. it ended up being a lot of fun, esp bc she treated me like she's known me forever and that was really nice bc i didn't feel like a baby or a burden or anything like that. she's wonderful and i'm hoping she'll be to me what nikki is/was last year (since she's moving). i think between that and dsf i'm pretty well covered in the jesus department. :))
a whole thing happened the other weekend where i had to take my friend to the hospital because her friend was in there... i won't give details bc it's not my place to tell but my dudes it was STRESSFUL. it was like 1 am and i drove there and then back to school and had one of the worst panic attacks ever and it was scary bc that doesn't happen often w me but all of that is resolved now and i'm hoping that something was learned from the whole thing. i learned that that stuff is stressful, but i can handle it. i learned i'm allowed to freak out on my own, i don't have to bottle up my emotions because that makes it worse. i can be supportive of my friends and do my own coping at the same time.
i also got to go see MY FAVORITE BAND!!! FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!!!!! I'VE BEEN TRYING TO SEE THEM SINCE 7TH GRADE!!!! ok ok so it was all time low (comprised of alexander gaskarth, jack barakat, rian dawson and zachary merrick) and i got there 3 hours before the doors opened so i was like 3 rows back. i made some friends which was nice and alex came too so i got to experience it with her :)) and i got to touch jack's hand!!!! in person!!!!! in real life!!!! it was just an all around amazing night, honestly the highlight of my life up to this point because their music has helped me through so much. if you ever need a pick me up, listen to weightless. that's been my go to for years and it never fails to cheer me up. :)) they played it too!!!! it was AMAZING!!!! i'm smiling just thinking about it omg what an experience
anyway now its the 26th, i'm pretty tired but i'm doing pretty well. i'm on good terms with the people that things were awkward with, i've made some friends, i met a girl who's a junior who's on rocky crew that id never met, and i got some good news about my soul friend's cancer progress. honestly i can't really complain about much rn, i might be dissatisfied with a few things but i'm generally happy so i'm gonna take that and run with it. :)))))
edit: i just educated my english class on the basics of they/them and gender neutrality so i'm happy. that's all
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